In sex she wants everything.
She forgets the song
walks right in
floats right along the river to the waterfall part.
She mangles
the words with her fancy teeth.
—
This poem was titled “Cactus” when I first wrote it, but it’s changed a lot since then, and the title no longer makes sense. Suggestions for a better title would be much appreciated! Oh, and it’s not supposed to be double-spaced, but I can’t get it to publish single-spaced.
I really like it up to the bit about words. What do words have to do with the waterfall part !?
February 2nd, 2010 | #
I was referring to the words of the song she forgets… but the more I reread it, the weaker and more unnecessary that line sounds to me.
February 7th, 2010 | #
You could reference the ’song’ in the first line. Seems like sex currently slides into song, metaphorically; but the reader will not necessarily follow it.
February 19th, 2010 | #