What is this pain in my brain that flows through my throat to my chest. Funny, chemical cascades create real pain, so now I know why I need to be chemically numbed, well not me, I’ve never been flying high like all my somatic friends. I can never really believe  that I need a TRIP away from myself. My reality, it is what it is, I don’t want a paradigm shift.

I awake from my pensive slumber, voices are debating, and repeating the same argument. Either it will crystalize or it won’t, but I guess sometimes it does both. I realize now that I don’t care.

Maybe I am lying when I say I don’t need to TRIP, maybe I already escape with this pen. I need more frequent injections!

We are talking about drugs, in this meeting I mean, and this drug in particular it is worth billions. I was told not to say the word drugs around the kids, I should say active pharmaceutical ingredients.

Chuck interrupts my thoughts with I’ll let Meghan speak about the newly formed analytical team. The screen goes dark as the projector resets. Now, wait still dark, okay now the screen appears bright and white with little black markings. Oh those are words. Okay I get it now, it says in bold Analytical Method Development Efforts. I really must pay attention at these meetings, this is my job after all.

That reminds me, my date yesterday told me if she were financially comfortable she wouldn’t do what she does. She would go out and change the world. I was very naive and thought coming to work was something to do, but I guess getting paid is nice.

I could just walk out of this meeting, they know I booked my ticket to escape. I am a free man, 5 more weeks, but till then I am still a prisoner. And even then my escape will end in August when I am shipped off to school.

In the meeting now we are trying to organize who is going to analyze smaples. Beauracracy is so powerful I mean really really powerful. Why should I have to tell anyone other than Yola Mick asks….Haha because the levers of control must be adjusted just right. It is not a fear it is a reality: things will slow down, haha you don’t know it is about control. We must control the process. Everyone and their mother if they are Cc’ed on the email I don’t care just make sure you follow the chain of command.

I just realized the data we are now discussing makes me excited. So perhaps a portion of this vocation does speak to me, tickles my fancy I think they say. There are sadly not enough of these moments in my work day. The data, the results, the slow progress towards making billions of dollars for someone else cannot captivate me the way I want to be captivated. There are too many numb moments in my day, there is too much resignation, there is too much indignation. When I feel an ape, granted a clever one at that, could replace me then I know that I must be heavily sedated in order not to rebel. So I am taking my TRIP and you can’t stop me. I am taking my TRIP, and when I return I will seek the frost on the windows. And do you not know what the Frost on the windows is? It is the moisture frozen on to the glass, well I guess it could also be the morning dew frozen too the crops too. It is whatever I want it to be, a frenzy or a quiet sunrise, or a galactic storm, it could be me under the apple tree.That is what I will seek avocation and vocation enjoined as one. Forgive my plagiarizing heart I am but a tramp with no real creative skill I steal freely from other creativity, and this gives me joy. So when I return from my TRIP I will seek only to fuse together, to enjoin, to enjoy, joy!