Zephieyr Instructions Sheet
Table of Contents
1. Quick set-up and construction
2. Customizable construction options
3. Maintenance
4. Safety guidelines and concerns of use
5. Troubleshooting
a. Seepage
b. Erosion
Section 2: Translations
Quick Set-Up Guide
1. Carefully unpack. Lay out component parts and compare to diagram 1a.
• Due to the entirely organic processes used in construction, color may vary slightly. There may be natural variations to the color of the casings and the size of the main grommet.
• Product may have settled during shipping. If the bags look empty, shake and fluff into wholeness.
2. Sheet the Zephaer. Be careful to leave the central flap unsheeted. Zephiyr models I, IV, ?, and ? have four other flaps to sheet. However, if it is windy, or if there is an impending power failure, you must pinch the layers of the corrugated sheeting together to prevent it from unflapping.
3. Always remember: Dirt is the Worst! Fully separate the main body of the Zephaer from the floor or the ground before flaking becomes uncontrollable. You should always have adult supervision, and a bucket of water on hand to prevent Spillage or Seepage.
a. See Page ivx for a full description of strategies for stopping flaking, including controlled exfoliations.
e. Caution: leakage could cause severe disfigurations of the mouth or other relevant orifices. If such leakage should occur, contact your local poison control center
4. Decouple your completed Zephyier from its light-touch valves using a socket-hammer. The Zephyar will soon learn to sustain itself on its own WASTE, however, you must ensure a constant flow at all times to the unit.
5. Using the double-barreled nozzle provided, inflate the Zephayer until its surface is taut and the secondary layer presses against Flap 3
6. Congratulations on your completed Zephieyir! In order to prevent it blowing away, affix the guy lines provided to the windy side (see Option 3)
Customizable Construction Options
Note: some of these options are highly volatile. Consult your therapist before you Follow the instructions for option 2.
Option 1—Colored Backplates. For a wider range of backplate colors, including glow-in-the-dark and disco options, see our online catalog. To change the backplate, unscrew the flywheels behind the secondary vestibule, remove the original steel backplate, and carefully insert the new plate. Secure and rotate. For Zepheiyrs within the public domain, it is recommended that the color of the backplate component be changed frequently to maintain audience interest.
Option 2—In emergencies and criminal contingencies, the Zephaeyr can be made to flow backwards. However, doing so on high speeds can cause disjunctions in the outer casing that could lead to cracking. In order to reverse the flow, simply insert a court-ordered reversal subpoena into the intake valves. After evaluating the authenticity of the document (usually about 12 min), the Zephiear will automatically reverse Flow. Evacuate vicinity immediately.
Option 3—Guy Lines. For extra support on windy days, you can attach the provided guy lines to the windward side of the unit. Use the loops and stakes provided, and attach the lines firmly to the ground.
Maintenance
Bi-Monthly Routine Maintenance
This rigorous maintenance and tuning routine should be performed on a bi-monthly basis to prevent component failure, blockages, outages, and total collapse.
f. Controlled exfoliations should be performed upon the surface of the Zeyphir as part of your regular maintenance of the unit.
i. To exfoliate the Zephayer, lift the front cover and remove the inner cartridge.
ii. Using rubber gloves, run the cartridge over all the sheeted surfaces of the Zeypher. Rub against the grain. The sheeting will flake geometrically.
iii. Consume or dispose the excess in hazmat container. Do not pour down the drain.
g. Rotate the grommets regularly. If your grommets have already gone, there is no need to rotate them.
h. Dissassemble the driveshaft, lubricate the component parts with proZeph SpeedOil (available in our online catalogue), and reassemble.
Safety
• The Zephayer is not a toy. Keep away from nose and mouth.
• Use Zephiayr only under supervision, adult or spiritual (also available from our online catalogue).
• When using SuperVision, make sure the SuperVisor is raised and can see all primary angles of the Zephaeyr without needing to rotate or readjust.
• In the event that the Zephyer overruns itself, evacuate the vicinity immediately and call your local department of corrections.
• If there is a buildup of WASTE in the fuel tank, siphon some of it off immediately.
• To prevent universal damage, only use your Zephyiar on hardwood floors.
Troubleshooting
• Seepage
o If your unit begins to leak or seep, check for blockages in the WASTE uptake tubes.
• If there is a block, carefully disassemble the secondary pneumatic assembly, clean all component parts, and reassemble.
• If there is no blockage in the pneumatic assemblies, then there is a problem with your power supply. Contact your local electricity provider.
• Erosion
o If you use your Zephaier on other than hardwood surfaces, it may cause erosion. If you find yourself sliding towards the unit, immediately cease its operation and allow it to consume the rest of its WASTE.
THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING ZEPHAYIER: DELIVERING PROFESSIONAL SUCTION AND PRODUCTION SOLUTIONS SINCE 1973
“where have all my Gromets gone?”
[Instructions for using Zephaer Instructions Page:
1. Add me some steps and variations, perhaps incorporating Gromets and Vestibules into the picture]
March 22nd, 2008 | #
I’m not really sure if this is the sort of feedback you’re looking for, but I’d just like to say that I’d love to purchase a zephaer in the near future, assuming financial stability - and given that the allegations about a ‘faulty fusion lock system’ are finally put to rest. If there’s one thing that has always bugged me about the generic suction modules on the market, it’s the ageless problem of flaking. And I’m optimistic enough to think that Zephaer, with its promise of a non-exfoliating tube surface, might finally be the panacea for that dear old friend with whom we’re all a bit more familiar than we’d prefer to be. Hemorrhoids. Maybe one day my dietary vestibule will be a little less beleaguered by those beastly, unholy Gromets!
March 24th, 2008 | #
Reference Sheet
March 26th, 2008 | #
A KITCHEN HOOD CAN DO MORE THAN VENT AIR
I have never been so amazed by the production of my own fictions into Reality:
http://www.zephyronline.com/v2/
‘Breaking the rules is our intention with this collection of daring works that never go unnoticed.’
‘elevating the hood to its rightful place: no longer an afterthought, the hood stands above all, as distinctive in its performance as it is in its beauty.’
I am overwhelmed by emotion, I do not know what type. This is true Expression of Kapital, that it can be generated by my stoned brain and by Desiring-Production simultaneously
April 6th, 2008 | #
sort of like this pack of mac baren rolling tobaccy I just got (yes sturg, the folks behind original choice). It’s a white pack, and it’s only title is ‘White.’ Other than the government warning signs, of which there are two, there is also the prescription: for people who don’t need a brand to tell other people who they are.
Inside, these geniuses of the modern world have written: Branding seems to be about finding out what people need, then pretending that it can be delivered. With tobacco this pretense has been expressed with cowboys, craftsmen, pyramids and even jet fighter pilots. We have been manufacturing cut tobacco since 1887 for people who know what they want and who believe in quality they can see and taste with more leaf and less stem. So if you’re tired of the branding circus you’ve picked up the right pouch.
Woohoo! I’ve finally found my consumer demographic! The non-brand brands! “There’s a natural hipster flowing in the air… if you listen carefully now you will hear.” Modern world I’m not pleased to meet you, you just bring me down. And all the colored girls go Doo da doo, doo doo da doo, doo da doo, doo doo da doo…
April 7th, 2008 | #
1.
The Hungry Ghost
that gave us much
flows inside our veins.
That Hungry Ghost
drank the mighty flow
when desire became all.
So thru his mouth we sail
seeing no inside
where saliva brews fresh lies.
Drinking of disjunction
our bile wrests me from u
slicing selves off our body
which travel pneumatically
up endless asphalt tubes
that once knew real trees.
1a.
That Flow demands too much
where products meet the soul,
and out of desire come
fragments that can be sold.
Where from headwaters emptied
That river drinks us all,
For what we have to give it,
And what we had has died.
The Hungry Ghost never spits nor swallows
Drinks the river dry in one eternal gulp,
And we may swim downstream
And never again see the skies.
[too obvious?]
April 8th, 2008 | #
no, i like it!
April 10th, 2008 | #
We cannot dream of trying
to swim against that Flow
but, perhaps, somewhere downstream
grows some food to share.
That river commands too much,
demands excess in absurdity
perfection in aesthetics
that never grew before.
The waters of the ghost don’t flow
Where desire cannot go
In lunar lust of nighttime rants
Beer flows where Kapital is banned
(and nowhere is it banned
but that it leans on Beer for truth).
April 16th, 2008 | #
Updated completely. I’m too lazy to fix formatting on the blog. I’m going to pitch this project to www.zephyronline.com as soon as I have some original artwork and layouts.
This project is totally passive in that it reproduces the symbolic order, right? I’m hoping.
April 25th, 2008 | #