So. This is what I do with my time. Well, this and inane fact-checking until I’m high-strung and antsy. At which point I take a spin on the Bongo Board to relieve said tension.

Some “Firsts” from Mt. Everest. To be published in _________ Magazine, Sept. 2005. I hope.

Neal Grubb became the first person to bring a Nintendo DS to the summit of Everest on June 2, 2005. He says the portable video game held up through high altitude, soggy sleeping bags, and numerous spilled-curry-coatings. The game system was wildly popular with the sherpas, who are in talks with Nintendo about a new concept: Super Mario Everest.

On May 22, 2001, Stefan Gatt became the first to snowboard from the summit of Mt. Everest. He reported getting “awesome air” off the North Col, but mourned the lack of snow bunnies.

On June 1, 2005, a Nepalese couple (Moni Mulepati, 24, and groom Pem Dorjee, 23) became the first to marry on the 29,035 ft. summit of Everest. When thrown, the bride’s bouquet fell nearly 12,000 ft. to base camp, where it was eaten by a yak. Best of luck to the couple. And to the yak.

In early 2005, Ralph Pettman, a Professor from New Zealand’s Victoria University, was the first to attempt to nix nookie on the mountain. Prof. Pettman claimed that having sex on Everest showed remarkable disrespect for Everest, seen as “sacred” by locals. Unfortunately, the suggested “Three-Mile-High Club” ban arrived too late for the Dorjees, who honeymooned at Base Camp after their summit-top marriage.

Bertrand Roche and his wife, Claire Bernier Roche, became the first husband and wife team to paraglide from the Summit to Base Camp on May 21, 2001. The trip took eight minutes, just enough time for the couple to find a loophole in Prof. Pettman’s no-sex ON Everest rule.